chuck's 23.

Heroism is dicey, at best, I think; ultimately, you become awestruck by someone's manufactured fabulousness while they go home to their lackluster life and drink whiskey sours and try to convince themself that they aren't a total detriment to society -- which they sometimes are.

Nevertheless, Chuck Klosterman (above) is essentially my hero. I don't plan to ever meet him, and I have no expectations for his life, but the man writes a damn good book of absolutely no relevance to a structured life, and for this I applaud him, regardless of the number of whiskey sours he requires (or maybe he'd prefer blow).

I hadn't realized my affinity towards him until about a year ago, which was long after I had actually discovered his existence. Ironically, Klosterman wrote for the Akron Beacon Journal back when I lived within the range of its circulation. I may have even walked passed him one day during high school while I was visiting the ABJ's office with a leadership group, but it's also entirely possible that I made that up in wishful hindsight.

One evening, while dining at a spot where I had no business dining with a professional acquaintance turned amazing friend, the topic of conversation became literary-based achievements and I casually mentioned CK. My friend, whom is significantly older than I am and who has been immersed in the entertainment industry for well over 20 years, got his typical puzzled look and tried intently to dig-up from where he knew the name (which he always does, because he knows everyone). I tried to explain that he had probably just read it in the ABJ, but before I finished he said, "Ah, yes! Chuck Klosterman! When he was younger he reviewed events in the area quite frequently. He would always plug-in [his laptop] in my office."

Now, I'm by no means "seasoned" in my line of work; I have, however, been around rock stars and their baggage long enough to know that I couldn't care less about them. This revelation that my friend had not only met Chuck, but had done so on many occasions, is the first time in my life I have come close to being star-struck. Solely for this reason, I consider him my anti-hero, hero.

To get to the point, Chuck has established 23 questions [from Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs] which he asks in order to decide if he can love you. I don't have any intentions of convincing CK to love me, but the series is epically tangent-provoking [with obvious signs of hard-core drug use], which I find fantastic. For this reason, I've decided to answer some [or all].

1. You meet a magician. He can do 5 simple tricks--pull a rabbit out of a hat, make a coin disappear, turn an ace to a joker, and two similar others. These are his only tricks, and he cannot learn any more. HOWEVER he is doing these tricks with REAL MAGIC. No illusions, he can actually conjure a bunny, and move a coin through space. He is legitimately magical, but limited in scope. Is this person more impressive than Albert Einstein?

Absolutely not. I have friends who can win a game of beer pong in one turn; unfortunately, this is not considered ample substance for maintaining a practical, lucrative lifestyle. One could argue that a magician is certainly capable of providing for himself assuming he made it into a career, but society would not differentiate between his "real" magic, and the manufactured kind, which is far more impressive. A.E., on the other hand, had the most beautifully challenging thought processes despite his difficulty with everyday life; he is the epitome of impressive, IMHO.